Page 1 of 1

Any advice: guy at circle "crowds" female dancers

Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2015 10:50 pm
by batadunbata
Hi,
I wonder if anyone has any thoughts on what can be done about this: (protecting the drumcircle)

There's a guy at the local drum circle who often jumps in when there is a female dancing, and dances up behind her with his groin toward her posterior, uninvited, and even when they give signals that they don't want him crowding them, he keeps on doing it until they leave and stop dancing. He's not touching them, but still, it's clearly sexual and harassment. Sometimes he's drunk.

I would leave it to the old timers to handle him, since it's sort of their circle, but they don't seem to do anything about it, as far as I have seen.
I'm sick of watching this happen, does anyone have any suggestion of what I can do?
Thanks

Re: Any advice: guy at circle "crowds" female dancers

Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 7:32 am
by djembefeeling
difficult situation. it shouldn't be your responsibility, clearly, and all of the people involved are adults and can take care of their own. but since nobody seems to care and you feel responsible somehow (know that feeling), you should talk to the female dancers and the old timers, tell them how you feel and what they think about the situation. together, you may develop a good solution; perhaps you can talk as a group to the guy and convince him to pay attention to any signs of unease in the future...

Re: Any advice: guy at circle "crowds" female dancers

Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 3:54 pm
by Liam Petersen
How about treating him in the same manner as he treats the other dancers?

If he objects, then you've successfully communicated that he's crowding the dancer.

If he does not, then you've confirmed he has no ill intent.

Re: Any advice: guy at circle "crowds" female dancers

Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 10:55 pm
by batadunbata
Thank you both for your good advice. It's not too often a woman gets up to dance, so when one does, it is very frustrating to see her driven away like this. It feels disheartening. Having dancers takes a drum circle to a whole other level, and female energy can be helpful to balance having so many male drummers

Djembefeeling, I will talk to the other people as you suggested. I think I will try to generalize it, so I'm not persecuting him, but seeing how people feel about the issue in general.
I don't think the women should be responsible for defending themselves, when all they did was get up and dance. It may mean that they won't feel as free to do it next time, or won't even try it because of what they see happening to the women who do.
I also think it's potentially harmful for the kids to see this kind of behavior.

Liam, that would make a funny sketch comedy :giggle: After giving it some thought, I think it would mean that I had to become the bully, even though it was a satire, so I don't think I would actually do it. But it would be hilarious.