by Waraba » Sat May 29, 2010 5:05 am
Your comment about the elderly lady reminded me of a brief exchange I had with a similarly candid African at the other end of the spectrum in years. I remember when I was in Mali, carrying a djembe a little bit behind the rest of the group en route to a ceremony at which we were to play.
He seemed about 12, half my age at the time, this boy who stopped me in the street and asked if it would be alright if we spoke. After learning where I was from, he asked me to play something for him, for he was a great lover of the drum. I asked him about himself, and he answered my questions politely, but what he truly wanted, was to hear my hands on the drum.
I assured him I was just a beginner and not very good, and that there were a number of drummers around who were truly worth listening to--wait--let me get one for you--but he insisted--No, not those other drummers, only me--that's what he wanted to hear. And so I hoisted the djembe up between my legs, fastened it, and started to hit.
As I played, his attention never faltered. He indicated by his expression he wanted me to go on but, sweating from nerves, I exited the rhythm as quickly as I could.
We stood there, looking at one another. Me at his face deep in reflection, he at my drum that hung limp from my waist.
"You make a lot of mistakes," he observed at last, as if he had not said anything that could have possibly caused the slightest offense. He waited.
What could I say? There is always a way to exit a conversation in Mali, a key. For example, if one stops you on the street to talk, and exchange benedictions, it is not enough, after literally 20 minutes of thoroughly welcoming and heartfult conversation, to say "I have to be going now," "I'll see you later," "I look forward to seeing you again," "My friends are waiting," or “I have so much enjoyed our talk;” you will be urgently and even physically prevented from walking away, while your interlocutor insists passionately that you continue speaking with him as though doing so bestowed upon him the greatest of honors. Such exchanges regularly detained me on my way to the latrine. It did not occur to me until years later that my failure to produce the appropriate exit line might also have been an inconvenience to the person with whom I apparently refused to disengage, although he might sooner die than admit to it. But I also knew, by then, that there always was a graceful way to exit a conversation--I merely had to find it. Perhaps what would satisfy this 12-year-old boy, would allow me to walk on, humbled but safe with myself, would be if I simply owned up to what he had said.
"Yes," I said. "I do. I make lots of mistakes when I play… You are right."
That wasn't it. He looked at me, and waited. And I thought, Why do I make these mistakes? The whole experience with this boy had been somewhat embarrassing for me, forcing me to play on demand, when I hadn't rehearsed, hadn't known what to do, hadn’t known what he wanted to hear, not exactly, either from the drum or from me. The little scourge!
"I will try to make fewer mistakes!" I blurted.
A moment ago I had wished this boy gone. But now I wanted him to stay, walk on with me to the ceremony, to stay with me to the end of my trip, even, I imagined, come back to New York with me so that we could arrange for many exchanges between his family and mine for years to come…
But then he smiled, and we parted.
Anisoo!